After dating John, I dated my high school sweet heart. I remember why I fell for him in the first place. We had a lot of good times over the year we dated. We answered some very big lingering questions. It was good to connect with him again as an adult. Garth Brooks sings it- Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. I have been in his shoes.... it was a good reminder why you need that time between getting divorced and dating to really figure out who you are.
To those I dated in that "dating too soon" out of the marriage chute. I am sorry for the hell I put you through. I'm sorry for those of you whose feelings I hurt. I'm sorry for those who fell for my smile and I pushed back with a pitch fork. (a few with a cattle prod) It's not an excuse but I didn't know who I was. I had been married for more than half of my life at the time. I didn't know any better. I didn't want a relationship- but I had no clue what I wanted.
I learned though- I really don't want to be a step mom, and I don't want my children having a step dad. I'm so glad I learned this now, not later. There are huge expectations- and so much difficulty trying to make everyone happy. Especially when the (recent ex-wife)wants you to do nothing but suffer, jealousy from the children that is excused rather than dealt with. Way too much baggage- and it would be a huge struggle trying to make life "fair". Kudo's to you people who do that successfully, you amaze me!
I never started up my singles websites again after dating John. Not having one created a whole new sense of freedom. I have no desire to date, I don't want to be single my whole life either. I have been hanging out with my family- my children and my ex-husband. Now before you freak.... lol My ex and I have gotten along well for years. In fact- not sure if I mentioned it before or not- we live in the same house; I live in the in-law apartment. (its the house we had when we were married) We fight just enough to remind us why we aren't married. We have an odd relationship and it works for us.
I have found the time to work in the yard- I love it! Oh and for the love of iFunny & PINTEREST- I am addicted. I find so much more simple joys in my life when I'm not running around trying to date. I have put more miles on my car driving between Tooele Utah and Kanosh Utah!! I doubt that I'll be out there in the dating world any time soon. My experiences- many that I have not shared here are enough to keep me from jumping back into that sea! For those of you who shared a laugh thank you for stopping by. or 2- For the men on my blog- I hope you wised up, I doubt it- I'm sure I could create another profile and keep you all entertained for years. I just don't have it in me to continue on that road it's exhausting!
I have learned so much in my 8 years of being divorced. Each person who came into my life and taught me lessons I didn't know I needed to learn.
If I ever go searching for my hearts desires again- I know it's never further than my own back yard.
May you all find love and happiness- and may he be single, rich, handsome, kind, funny, sweet, endearing, obedient, trustworthy.... honest... and may he be completely in love with you! (and only you)
Smilin'Jessica
