Lame Duck...Not interested- does not mean try HARDER!

So I logged on.. an IM pops up from the quack... Hi Jessica- my reply: I'm not interested. I closed the IM.

This is followed by an email: Honestly, if you aren't interested that is totally fine. I'd see us being more friends anyway. I'd just like some candid feedback as to why you aren't "interested". Thoughts?

My Reply: I didn't appreciate your approach. I'm straight forward, I put myself out there exactly as I am, you mocked this, insulted me and expected courtesy in return. I've had better conversations with inmates who touch themselves while I spoke. Like I said, try being straight forward. You want games, I hear yahoo will hook you up.

His Reply: Are you used to joking around? What were you in prison for?Honestly, I appreciate the feedback!

My Reply: HA, I joke all the time, but only do it in that sense when I'm ready for a round of "yo-mamma" jokes. What you need to understand is every woman on here has had more than enough lines, come on's, come aparts, bullshit, out of their league, nasty guys, old farts, mountain men, 40 year old virgins, married men, gay men pretending to be straight, players, wanna-be's, losers, and freaks. Be respectful. First impressions matter. Bad first email... most women just delete them, I let you know what I think.Best thing anyone said- find something you like about a person and focus on that.I wasn't in prison, I own the cuffs.

His Reply: You are sassy, but eloquent.You're mama is so fat that when she wears her Malcolm X t-shirt helicopters think she is a landing pad.

My Reply: eww

His Reply: I keep waiting for your "yo' mama" jokes. I can keep going.

I knew from the IM this was his attempt to keep the conversations going, seriously... Titan Style, NOT INTERESTED does NOT mean try HARDER.

Lame Duck for sale CHEAP!

Imagine my surprise when I log in to an email from this ... car salesman.. oops my bad "Health Care Business" I dont mean to insult car sales guys.. David Coles who sold me my new car was really cute and not full of shit.

TitanStyle : Looking for a fun attractive girl

He's a 33 year old from Sandy Utah

His email to me: So, obviously you passed the aesthetics test or shallow men (such as myself) would never contact you, but a buddy of mine was looking over my shoulder and claimed that – without a doubt – your profile looked to have been written by a guy; it’s just too perfect, minus the incompletion. He claimed that any account with so little information is a dead giveaway. I came to your defense, of course, but now we’ve got a $20 bet going as to whether or not you’re real. So I wondered, just between us, am I about to lose $20?

Ugg really.. thoughts.. Are YOU....talking to ME?

My Reply: What part of my profile is incomplete? " it’s just too perfect, minus the incompletion." He claimed that any account with so little information is a dead giveaway." Not sure what else you are looking for, I have put out more information than most. I don't play games and I'm honest so that makes me a dude? Eyeroll... the Tuesday night edition of the wall of shame has your name all over it.

If he only knew I WASN'T KIDDING!!

His Reply: okay...you caught me. just trying to start a convo. are you always this mean? is that your cougar way?

Seriously- is he really this dumb? I'm 37, he's 33 freakin years old almost 34.

My Reply: You tell me my profile is incomplete, you insult me by calling me a guy, and you want courtesy? 37 is hardly a cougar... kitten maybe. I realize you are used to childish things like kicking the girl you like, it doesn't work anymore. For your next victim try being sincere, real and don't kick her. Enjoy your time, you've wasted enough of mine.

Sometimes I'm tempted to date these guys just to meet their parents so I can ask what the HE double hockey sticks they taught their boys.

Lesson here: Kicking the girl you like may have worked in Kindergarten, it doesnt however impress a 37 year old kitten.

Fortease The seahorse- coexisting

This man is small on this the list of ... are you effin kidding me scale, yet he's there just the same.
His Profile name: fortease.... for starters what the fudge kind of name is this? He's from Genola Utah... do they really have internet there? I'm surprised.
His information as he entered it:
I am Seeking a Woman For Dating Do you drink? Socially Marital Status Single Profession stud ent Smarts Associates degree.
His intent on the POF website... fortease isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment. I'm here just to have some fun and to meet some comfortable woman to be around,and hope to have some good feeling around them if one in particular stands out from among the rest i will more than likely be taking her out and be seeing the most of her.

His email to me: "you sure look like a ball of fun, you have such a pretty face, i always brake for beauty, happy holidays sweety"

My Reply:My reply: Not sure what a ball of fun is so thanks but no thanks. Enjoy saying things you wouldnt say in a bar/in person because you know you'd get slapped.
Please feel free to
A.) Light yourself on fire.
B.) Never email me again
C.) Check in with your probation officer and update your sex offender registry.
D.) ALL OF THE ABOVE. You're welcome for the reminder.
The female you emailed who doesnt appreciate your style.

Personally I hope he picks D!! Enough Said.

Wulfee...

I'm looking to share my life with someone special.
Active within 1 hour
42-year-old man
Bountiful, Utah, United States
seeking women 28-42
within 50 miles of Bountiful, Utah, United States
Relationships: Currently Separated !!!!!!
Have kids: Yes, they sometimes live at home (2)
Want kids: Not sure
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Body type: Stocky
Height: 5'9" (175cms)
Religion: Spiritual but not religious
Smoke: Occasionally
Drink: Social Drinker .........I don't know what to say....other than....Uhhhhhhhhh....... (which way did he go? DUHHHH) I think I'm what women are looking for. I love kids, (I have kids)..., I'm family orientated, responsible, CLEAN (not sure what he's implying here), intelligent,( I bet he had to look up the spelling) VERY funny, (hee), witty, well read, a romantic, VERY romantic! I think I hold my own in looks??? (maybe).(If Dopey is what you are looking for) Caring, personable, easy going and am looking for a woman to spend the rest of my life with. I hope I can find her here. (Good luck MORON)
On 12/11/2010 Wulfee sent me a wink. Nice gesture, not really what I'm looking for. So I dont say anything.
He sent me an email: Nooo???? Ooops
My Reply: Nooo???? Oooops What?
His Reply: Oops
My Reply: Not sure what your email meant... but I looked at your profile and I have one very strict rule... By the way "it's complicated" is not an acceptable definition for a relationship, it's an excuse for someone who wants out of the one they are in. IF you are married or seperated finalize the ending of your commitment with them before trying to create a new one. It's not fair to those of us free of committment and looking for someone to hold on to. Not even playing. It's not meant to be mean its based on experience... what I did and now what I've been through.
His Reply: Owch
My Reply: I'm not sure what you are trying to say, I don't get your 2 or 1 word emails. Communication is key, and one or two words don't cut it.
His Reply: Here's one or two words for ya.........Your fat
My Reply: Which is why you winked and emailed me right? I may be fat, but you sir are an uneducated mongrel ... can't fix stupid... or in your case stupid and fugly. And you said hi first so........ kma.
At this point I have cancelled my Match.com subscription, I am tired of immature men who cannot handle a woman who is willing to tell it how it is. Do they not see what idiots they make of themselves? In my profile I have it clearly listed- By the way "it's complicated" is not an acceptable definition for a relationship, it's an excuse for someone who wants out of the one they are in. IF you are married or seperated finalize the ending of your commitment with them before trying to create a new one. It's not fair to those of us free of committment and looking for someone to hold on to. .So then he wants to be mad at me and throw out that- Your Fat line, my god are we on the playground here?

On a positive note-I did meet someone this weekend. We'll see.. smiles.

BIG BOYS need LOVE to so dont pass me up .. yep his opening line..

As previously stated, I know I'm going to hell. I just I'm blown away at the options that present themselves..... I know I'm not alone as my older sister is single too.

This is his opening line: you know all this weman on here want a nice guy ,someone that will love them. you BIG BOYS need LOVE to so dont pass me up

He's a 46 year old man from Elko, NV, who is seeking women from 29 to 39 years old.

I do not know one woman who would give this man the time of day. Sad I know but... crap-o-la!

iam 6'1" 360 lb long hair i drive truck iam a country to the bone i love the outdoors i hunt fish and i like to explore i love kids and the mountains iam looking for someone that will love me the rest of my life and i will love her with every thing i got the rest of my life someone that will give me a family . iam a simple man i could have lived 100 to 150 years ago and been happy. iam looking for someone that can live out in the back hills and love it as much as i do . iam not a CITY BOY IAM COUNTRY BOY ,REDNECK ,HILLBILLY ,COWBOY,

He added me as a favorite, I deleted him, this is his email to me and yes it says HI Miss Jessica twice:HI Miss Jessica
HI Miss Jessica iam Jay its nice to meet you. i read your profile and your right about the stick figure thing myself i have been at the right size to being thick you know when i was smaller i had the same feeling and heart as i do now if not more now you know what iam talking about .Well miss jessica i might be redneck "country boy" but one thing i know is a sweet heart when i see one someone with a big heart and lots of love someone oh cares . i would like to chat some time if your up to it . have a nice one jay

Pretty harmless... seems nice enough... No mountain men! Please! 

I see myself as an attractive woman. Yes, I'm curvy, I'm not skinny. But ... really?

I replied nicely- I was good as he didnt deserve any lashes- but I'm sure because I was nice, it wasnt the last I'll hear from him.

My reply: Hi Jay, thank you for writing me. I appreciate your compliments. I wish you luck in your search, I hope you find your match. Take care jessica

Santa- no not bigbear Santa... the real one, all I want for Christmas is one man I can keep for my very own.... one that isnt a meth cowboy, who doesnt take pictures at the cemetary for his profile, please make his face kissable, make him good with kids, make him kind and gentle, make him supportive, strong, handsome, tall. A great personality- good teeth, a good kisser..... please Santa....could you help a girl out? I've been on my best behavior all year!